40s dating

Dating in your 40s can be tricky. Particularly if you’re on the dating market for the first time after years (or even decades) of being married, you might not have a sense yet for what dating is ... Dating in Your 40s. 0 0 0 0. Let’s be blunt: dating at 40 isn’t the same as dating at 20. But not for the reasons you might think. It’s not because you’re older, pickier, or that the dating pool has shrunk. The dating pool is the same; and as for your age, well, you’re just a bit older and way more impatient. Nobody blames you for that. Happn has exposed the dating habits of over forties. But remember that how-divorced men come with a lot of meme. They can be bitter. They might not know how to take care of themselves, and they might have complicated custody issues that keep them from travelling. Look before your leap. That means your 40-year-old dating field could have more players looking to get hitched, and if that’s the case, don’t enter into a serious relationship hastily, says Kelly Campbell, Ph.D, professor of psychology at California State University, San Bernardino. “Marrying in your 40s, especially if it’s for the first time, means you have fewer years till death do you part, so this really ... No wonder that an increasing amount of the over 40 dating scene is moving online, with between 4-5% more over 40s taking to dating sites and dating apps for the first time over the past couple of years. It's becoming such an essential tool for dating in your 40s - allowing compatible single men and women to connect directly - all you have to decide is which site suits you best... Here are the best dating apps for singles over 40. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but the waters can feel choppy out there for the over-40 set. Dating apps and websites, they tell The ... Over 40s dating in the UK. One caveat:. Because the app sources your matches from friends of friends apps Facebook, this might not be the best option websites those who are trying to widen their dating pool beyond their community. Your to 40s research, FirstMet has one of the highest percentages of users who are 30 or older, with only 2. Share 100% Free Dating! Over 40 Dating Site – Welcome. Well, eHarmony makes it easy for you to connect with over 40s that catch your eye. Sites Online are a great way free get things singles; you can initiate a flirtation by sending a free or dive straight in to the secure eHarmony Mail system. Best dating sites and apps for people over 40 — and the ones you should avoid. The following online dating sites can help singles in their 40s get over the dating scene. In fact, Match over facilitated more relationships than any of its competitors. 40s course, you can search for potential dates and partners by age, but australia can also ... The stakes can feel higher when dating in your 40s and beyond, says McMillan. 'Each party has more life experience, and often more kids.' This can turn a simple first date into a 'future trip of epic proportions.' But instead of jumping ahead and wondering how your kids will get along, take dating one step at a time.

R4R30Plus: Meet fellow redditors over 30

2012.10.14 15:05 SurvivorType R4R30Plus: Meet fellow redditors over 30

Come in and meet people over 30! Whether you're looking for friends, partners, drinking buddies, or friends with benefits, this is the place on Reddit to find people over age 30 to meet in real life. You don't have to be 30 to be a member, but if you want to post you need to be 30+.
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2018.12.15 05:45 CurmudgeonlyBlaggart Over Forty? Let's do this!

Discussion of dating, relationships and the single life with people 40+. Please be civil.
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2010.03.27 12:31 Get Motivated!

Welcome to /GetMotivated! We’re glad you made it. This is the subreddit that will help you finally get up and do what you *know* you need to do. It’s the subreddit to give and receive motivation through pictures, videos, text, music, AMA’s, personal stories, and anything and everything that you find particularly motivating and/or inspiring. So browse around, ask questions, give advice, form/join a support group. But don’t spend too much time here; you’ve got *better* things to do.
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2020.09.23 23:46 Angel8688 Why do you think he (M40) didn’t want me (F30) and chose to go back to his ex GF again ? I’m extremely hurt and can’t over it

The guy (40) I was having casual sex with once a week for four month but know each other for years . He always used to like me but never asked me out directly , he always used to say I’m out of his league . I never considered dating him as he used to have kind of a womanizer reputation so I initiated a hook up.
We were having conversations and had fun times, hanging out for a few hrs after sex. He cooked dinners. The chemistry was crazy. It was pretty obvious that we are just hooking up and I once even asked him if he’s going on dates . He once said he’d love to watch a movie together but didn’t really reciprocate.
At the beginning all I wanted was just sex and didn’t plant to date him but I started to get attached to him.
For the past month or so he started to become distant and pulling away and ignoring me. I asked him to hang out twice and he made excuses that he had to work but he’d love too.
I finally confronted him and texted him whats the deal , told him that I really like him and enjoy being with him and that I want more, and asked him on a real date, and he finally confessed that he’s back with his ex and that he really likes me but that’s what it is. He texted that he’s terribly uncomfortable but he can’t help it as he still has feelings for her. (He left her a few times before due to her bad temper and she begged to take her back )
And then he started to bulshit me about how he’s so unhappy right now as he’s anxious about all this and not even enjoying life (Don’t get why he’s trying to seem miserable.) and that he doesn’t know what’s gonna happen with her and he thinks it’s a mistake , telling me that he’s not a bad person and asking me not to hate him ,blah blah blah.
I asked him why you just didn’t tell me and he said he wasn’t sure yet about getting back together with her but he would tell me . I said I’m not angry and I understand and told him I fell in love with him and even said I can give him more than her ( I know it’s stupid of me and needy but it was in a moment ). He said please try to forget me but said don’t disappear .text here and there .
Now when I think about it I get the impression that perhaps ha was talking to her all this time and working on getting back with her while sleeping with me and even slept with both of us .
I don’t understand why he just didn’t tell me for weeks and lied and avoided me until I finally confronted him. I know he doesn’t have to but we have know each other for years plus it’s a decent thing to do.
The last time we met was a month before all this conversation, he was already distancing but still took me to a party introduced to everyone , all his friends were so impressed by me and kept asking where did he find me. I kissed him in front of people and was affectionate acting as we are together, now I realize that he was already back with her when we were at the party! 😞 after that party he stopped texting . Why did he even take me there . He even said he’s planning to take a trip and asked me if I want to come and visit him there . I even brought him a little gift . He loves cooking so I gave him a special bottle of sauce for cooking .
I feel I made a complete fool of myself and embarrassed myself at the party . He became very active on social media posting pics of himself enjoying life and even in one if the pics he posted himself having lunch and made sure the bottle of sauce I gave him is right on the middle of the picture ...
We didn’t talk since then but he makes sure he likes and wows all my stuff on social media. I deleted him from my social media a few weeks ago .
TL;DR: I’m having a hard time to move on and my ego is hurt . Why he didn’t want me and chose to go back to his ex again . Did he like me at all.. I wish I had a closure
submitted by Angel8688 to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 23:31 Angel8688 I (F30) fell for my FWB( M40) but he left me for his ex GF. How do I get a closure and get over it?

The guy (40) I was having casual sex with once a week for four month but know each other for years . He always used to like me but never asked me out directly , he always used to say I’m out of his league . I never considered dating him as he used to have kind of a womanizer reputation so I initiated a hook up.
We were having conversations and had fun times, hanging out for a few hrs after sex. He cooked dinners. The chemistry was crazy. It was pretty obvious that we are just hooking up and I once even asked him if he’s going on dates . He once said he’d love to watch a movie together but didn’t really reciprocate.
At the beginning all I wanted was just sex and didn’t plant to date him but I started to get attached to him.
For the past month or so he started to become distant and pulling away and ignoring me. I asked him to hang out twice and he made excuses that he had to work but he’d love too.
I finally confronted him and texted him whats the deal , told him that I really like him and enjoy being with him and that I want more, and asked him on a real date, and he finally confessed that he’s back with his ex and that he really likes me but that’s what it is. He texted that he’s terribly uncomfortable but he can’t help it as he still has feelings for her. (He left her a few times before due to her bad temper and she begged to take her back )
And then he started to bulshit me about how he’s so unhappy right now as he’s anxious about all this and not even enjoying life (Don’t get why he’s trying to seem miserable.) and that he doesn’t know what’s gonna happen with her and he thinks it’s a mistake , telling me that he’s not a bad person and asking me not to hate him ,blah blah blah.
I asked him why you just didn’t tell me and he said he wasn’t sure yet about getting back together with her but he would tell me . I said I’m not angry and I understand and told him I fell in love with him and even said I can give him more than her ( I know it’s stupid of me and needy but it was in a moment ). He said please try to forget me but said don’t disappear .text here and there .
Now when I think about it I get the impression that perhaps ha was talking to her all this time and working on getting back with her while sleeping with me and even slept with both of us .
I don’t understand why he just didn’t tell me for weeks and lied and avoided me until I finally confronted him. I know he doesn’t have to but we have know each other for years plus it’s a decent thing to do.
The last time we met was a month before all this conversation, he was already distancing but still took me to a party introduced to everyone , all his friends were so impressed by me and kept asking where did he find me. I kissed him in front of people and was affectionate acting as we are together, now I realize that he was already back with her when we were at the party! 😞 after that party he stopped texting . Why did he even take me there . He even said he’s planning to take a trip and asked me if I want to come and visit him there . I even brought him a little gift . He loves cooking so I gave him a special bottle of sauce for cooking .
I feel I made a complete fool of myself and embarrassed myself at the party . He became very active on social media posting pics of himself enjoying life and even in one if the pics he posted himself having lunch and made sure the bottle of sauce I gave him is right on the middle of the picture ...
We didn’t talk since then but he makes sure he likes and wows all my stuff on social media. I deleted him from my social media a few weeks ago .
TL;DR: I’m having a hard time to move on and my ego is hurt . Why he didn’t want me and chose to go back to his ex again . Did he like me at all.. I wish I had a closure
submitted by Angel8688 to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 23:09 xmasmidnight please help! i urgently need to know whether i did something wrong in my convo with a girl and how i can take it further!!

please dont skip my post, it looks long but it's two short text convos and i really need help (just scroll and you'll see it's not that long)!
so on a dating site, i matched with this girl and this is how the convo went:
me: hi
her: Hey dood
me: how's life treating you
her: Not very good but I'm chillen, hbu babes
me: not good either :/, college essays are hurting
her: Yeahhh I get that. Life sucks but it is what it is
me: ty for understanding :) i think colleges just want us dead at this point
her: Yeah they really do, im going through the recruitment process for my sport rn and it makes me wanna die lmao, I got you, btw Sorry im lowkey morbid tho
me: oh that sounds rough :( i hope everything goes ok for you, what sport is it?, btw im slightly morbid to dw
her: I'm a swimmer :) and aye gang lol, do you have snapchat? i dont really like talking on yubo but you seem hella chill
me: yeahhh here: _______
her: Tyyy
me: np
on snapchat, we talked soon after, and i found out she lives in a state that's at the other side of the united states from where i live, however, coincidentally, she's coming to my state for college (she confirmed this by listing out a few colleges)
all of the above happened 2 days ago @ night
then, yesterday night, i initiated the conversation again, and said:
me: hey how's your day :)
1 hour later
her: Good :)
20 minutes later
me: that's awesome!!!
40 minutes later
her: Hbu :)
20 minutes later
me: i went fishing @ 6am annnnddd essays :/
1 hour later
her: Oh that sounds kinda fun!
(i went to sleep (she knows my time zone is different)) 6 hours later
me: yeah it was kinda slow though :(, anyways i forgot to ask you, why did you choose [insert my state] out of all the states to come to college? is it something to do with swimming?
her: i'm honestly just gonna go where swimming takes me :)
me: oh okay dont worry though you'll do fine ! are you planning to go professional or is it just a college thing? actually wait nvmmm ignore that question that was dumb *upsidedown smiley face*
anywayss, what do you like to do besides swimming?
her: no that's not a dumb question haha :) i'm just doing it in college for now. i like to longboard and listen to music!
me: oo what sort of music?
her: i like alternative (*she said something else but i forgot*)
me: oh okay, i listen to indie but idk if that's close to alternative or not but you sound really interesting!!!
her: hahaha thank youuuu
me: :)
(it has been 24 hours since this convo btw)
i'm such an asshole tbh, i regret saying some of that last stuff and texting so much :/
i really need help to know if i'm texting right and whether i'm acting too clingy
i really need like advice on exactly what i should do next (wait for her reply, initiate in a few days, etc)
i have her snap and she seems totally like my type and i really wanna take this further :( please help
submitted by xmasmidnight to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 22:54 xmasmidnight please help! i urgently need to know whether i did something wrong in my convo with a girl and how i can take it further!!

please dont skip my post, it looks long but it's two short text convos and i really need help (just scroll and you'll see it's not that long)!
so on a dating site, i matched with this girl and this is how the convo went:
me: hi
her: Hey dood
me: how's life treating you
her: Not very good but I'm chillen, hbu babes
me: not good either :/, college essays are hurting
her: Yeahhh I get that. Life sucks but it is what it is
me: ty for understanding :) i think colleges just want us dead at this point
her: Yeah they really do, im going through the recruitment process for my sport rn and it makes me wanna die lmao, I got you, btw Sorry im lowkey morbid tho
me: oh that sounds rough :( i hope everything goes ok for you, what sport is it?, btw im slightly morbid to dw
her: I'm a swimmer :) and aye gang lol, do you have snapchat? i dont really like talking on yubo but you seem hella chill
me: yeahhh here: _______
her: Tyyy
me: np
on snapchat, we talked soon after, and i found out she lives in a state that's at the other side of the united states from where i live, however, coincidentally, she's coming to my state for college (she confirmed this by listing out a few colleges)
all of the above happened 2 days ago @ night
then, yesterday night, i initiated the conversation again, and said:
me: hey how's your day :)
1 hour later
her: Good :)
20 minutes later
me: that's awesome!!!
40 minutes later
her: Hbu :)
20 minutes later
me: i went fishing @ 6am annnnddd essays :/
1 hour later
her: Oh that sounds kinda fun!
(i went to sleep (she knows my time zone is different)) 6 hours later
me: yeah it was kinda slow though :(, anyways i forgot to ask you, why did you choose [insert my state] out of all the states to come to college? is it something to do with swimming?
her: i'm honestly just gonna go where swimming takes me :)
me: oh okay dont worry though you'll do fine ! are you planning to go professional or is it just a college thing? actually wait nvmmm ignore that question that was dumb *upsidedown smiley face*
anywayss, what do you like to do besides swimming?
her: no that's not a dumb question haha :) i'm just doing it in college for now. i like to longboard and listen to music!
me: oo what sort of music?
her: i like alternative (*she said something else but i forgot*)
me: oh okay, i listen to indie but idk if that's close to alternative or not but you sound really interesting!!!
her: hahaha thank youuuu
me: :)
(it has been 24 hours since this convo btw)

i'm such an asshole tbh, i regret saying some of that last stuff and texting so much :/
i really need help to know if i'm texting right and whether i'm acting too clingy
i really need like advice on exactly what i should do next (wait for her reply, initiate in a few days, etc)
i have her snap and she seems totally like my type and i really wanna take this further :( please help
submitted by xmasmidnight to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 22:44 docXfamas [H] Monthly choice(Dec-Sept) leftovers and other HB and fanatical leftovers, steam wallet [W] Tf2 keys/gems/steam marketable items, UPI/gpay, wishlist, paypal

Note:
HAVE
AS STEAM GIFT - Ibb & Obb
SEPTEMBER CHOICE 2020 LEFTOVER
AUGUST CHOICE 2020 LEFTOVER
JULY CHOICE 2020 LEFTOVER
HUMBLE DOUBLE FINE 20TH ANNIVERSARY BUNDLE
HUMBLE FIGHT FOR RACIAL JUSTICE BUNDLE
HUMBLE SQUARE ENIX COLLECTIVE BUNDLE
HUMBLE BANDAI NAMCO BUNDLE 4
HUMBLE 2K GAME TOGETHER BUNDLE - All of them are ROW keys will work in US/CA, EU and LATAM countries but in case you wanted to verify check region 1, region 2, region 3
CONQUER COVID-19 BUNDLE
HUMBLE CAPCOM MEGA BUNDLE
HUMBLE PARADOX MANAGEMENT BUNDLE
JUNE CHOICE 2020 LEFTOVER
MAY CHOICE 2020 LEFTOVER
APRIL CHOICE 2020 LEFTOVER
MARCH CHOICE 2020 LEFTOVER
FEBRUARY CHOICE 2020 LEFTOVER
JANUARY CHOICE 2020 LEFTOVER
DECEMBER CHOICE 2019 LEFTOVER
DECEMBER MONTHLY 2019 LEFTOVER
NOVEMBER MONTHLY 2019 LEFTOVER
FROM OLDER BUNDLE
AS FANATICAL KEYS
AS INDIEGALA KEYS/GIFTS
FROM CHRONO.GG
AS OTHER KEYS
WANT
Wishlist
Gems
TF2 keys
Atari Vault add on pack
GPAY/UPI payment
Also looking for Paypal(can take in any currency, usd, CAD, Euro etc) - Region JP
MY REP
submitted by docXfamas to SteamGameSwap [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 22:38 ineedsomehelpers My friend is trying to sell his old trombone but doesn’t know the date it was produced. He has the serial number it’s in the photos my guess was it’s from the 30s or early 40s any help is appreciated

My friend is trying to sell his old trombone but doesn’t know the date it was produced. He has the serial number it’s in the photos my guess was it’s from the 30s or early 40s any help is appreciated submitted by ineedsomehelpers to Trombone [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 22:06 Exodus1414_ Can’t get over my ex - need advice

My ex-fiancé(30M)and I(30F) were engaged to be married but hindsight I think I agreed for marriage because I was in my late 20s, was thinking about my time clock and I had also been with him for 7-8yrs already so it was only right.
I come from a culture where you are arranged pretty early and I didn’t want this for myself so I think that’s another reason why I stayed for a long time. My family would never accept me dating white, black, or any other race beside my own really. I had also dated girls in my early 20s which is another thing my family was so upset about like I had tarnished their name so to speak.
My ex always made me feel like I was not good enough for him, his parents never accepted me why we got engaged I don’t even know. I think both of us didn’t want to get arranged as we were part of same culture.
Early in the relationship I had cheated on him a lot, one night stands with just friends of friends like 5-6 times. I am not proud of this but I grew up very sheltered and soon as I lost my virginity to my ex fiancé at age 20 I think I kinda got carried away I also have a high sex drive so I liked attention from other men and liked have stability of having a boyfriend. Not my proudest moment again.
My ex and I had great times and a lot in common. However turns out he was cheating on me all the time too and later in the relationship he was having sex with hookers. Right before we got engaged we had been broken up a year because we both fought all the time. I think I held a lot of resentment because his family didn’t care to know about me where my ex was always around my family. His family was “perfect” never fought and my family had dysfunction but great big hearts. His parents thought this boy could do no wrong he had painted this perfect picture in their heads like he was the perfect son. But he was getting in trouble outside of the house living a double life really. So his parents thought I was not good enough for their son even tho I was far better than their son. He had gotten in trouble with the cops, he would sell weed and do drugs himself, drink ... all things that he’s not suppose to do and his parents had no idea who he was outside of their house.
I always felt uneasy about his relationship with his parents like how can you blatantly lie about who you are and if we got married I would have to live with his parents and pretend to be something I’m not. Like no wearing shorts around the house. No drinking wine, can’t have friends over.
I was unhappy but I had pressure from my family to be with a nice guy from a respected family. He was good on paper had a good degree I didn’t have my degree I would drop in and out of college but I had a great job always and in fact I got him his first respectable job - he was a bagger at grocery store when I met him and I was a banker. He had a house which he rented out to pretty questionable ppl but he had a room for himself there and he would throw parties - I was there too for this but I kinda got bored of this life with him. He would just play video games and his friends were just low life’s. I wanted more for him more for us but he thought I was trying to take him away from his family and friends. Again I just wanted him to meet his potential and not just smoke weEd and play COD.
Anyways 5 year into the relationship we broke up cuz I found out he was cheating on me, very hypocritical I know but I guess cheating earlier seemed better than cheating later in the relationship. Cheating is never ok and I know that. During our breakup I met a white guy 10yrs older and I fell hard for this guy but he was such a terrible human being that I went back to my ex and that’s when we got engaged. This guy I fell for, we had the best sex ever of my life and I didn’t get that from my ex ever but my ex was stable, career, degree, house etc. this other guy was just good in bed and it literally blew my mind, but he treated me really bad and I know I had daddy issues. This was just exciting older white guy - I never felt like this for anyone before but I knew I could never have a future with him. He couldn’t hold a job, he had no savings lived with his parents at 40 and had shitty credit and basically I supported him and paid for everything. Not my proudest moment again.
I shouldn’t have gone back to my ex but I did. I think I just wanted to feel appreciated and go on a date I didn’t have to pay for. My ex was good with money. He bought me expensive gifts. When we were broken up who used to call my mom crying about taking him back. When my ex and I got engaged something just deep inside me felt empty. Anyway I called it off my ex found someone within a month and he married her a year later.
My ex physically emotionally and mentally abused me. We were never happy in our relationship and I know we were never meant to be together however I can’t seem to get over him. I never loved him I don’t think like real love so why is it so hard for me to forget this man. We were great friends and had many great memories but just had our ups and downs like any other relationship I guess.
His new wife knows that he physically hurt me, she knows he paid for sex. His mom didn’t want us to get married and some of my friends think she did black magic on us. Listen I don’t believe this stuff but still she seemed so upset that we got engaged.
I will be starting therapy soon. I grew up in a broken home so I think I’ve always had issue but lately I have been feeling like I will never find someone and that I messed up by letting a man go even tho he hit me and told me his new wife is skinnier than me and that her family has a lot of money. Since our breakup I have gotten my degree. I have more money in my savings than I could ever think of. I moved to a different part of the state where I always wanted to move. Which he was against. He always made me feel like I could be nothing.
Sorry for the long post I just need help understanding my feelings.
Edit: forgot to include age and some typos.
submitted by Exodus1414_ to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 21:28 Pinklepurr1 Please help me understand what I have been going through, culturally.

I am recently out of a year long relationship with a North Indian man. He has lived in the states for almost 30 years. I am American and white and we are both divorced with kids in our 40s. His arranged marriage wife went back to India with their child and he has fought to the Supreme Court to get his kid back to the states. He hasn’t seen her in 6 years. He said there was a lot of stigma and pain on his family for this. Thoughts on this part?
We had a very intense year together. He wanted to define the relationship from date 3. He told me he loved me in the first month and immediately called his mom to let her know. She told me he has never said I love you to another woman. They were supportive of our union despite my race and my family fully accepted him. When they came to visit over the holidays they took me ring shopping, and he asked my family formally. This was about 3 months into our relationship. We never got engaged though, covid kind of threw a wrench into our lives .
I think he has been very Abusive. Or maybe that is my western view. I am all confused now.
He drinks way too much. His brother is in AA. My ex drinks daily 6-15 drinks. He’s quick to anger. He’s rude to waitstaff (not always but whenever there is slowness or an issue he is rude and arrogant and throws a scene.) I asked him to just be kind many times and he said he wasn’t raised to accept poor service kindly.
He has a quick temper whenever he is challenged. He tells me he wants me to stand up to him but I have been anxious and intimidated. Some of our arguments have been over very simple things like grabbing the wrong piece of bread, or asking him to walk next to me, frustration over him canceling trip plans last minute, or my “lack of direction “ with my career. He told me from the beginning he has a big ego and broke up with a white lawyer girlfriend as her ego was enormous. He told me I was an egotistical b to think my job as a teacher means anything.
He told me in our final argument that when my uncle had visited many months earlier and neglected to remove his dirty shoes in his house (there was never a strict no shoes rule) and I didn’t correct him, he decided that my family was rude! I told him that in my culture I don’t correct my elders, but I do offer to correct the situation and I offered to vacuum but he wouldn’t let me. Somehow this was shelved for 7 months and at the end it justified his breakup. Thoughts? He would wear shoes in his own house sometimes, it was just an oversight of my uncle who is not related by blood, a bit of a jackass but not a close relative. I pointed out that my close family always treated him like one of their own.
He was wonderful to my family, to my daughter, and could be a brilliant good man. He was always generous with me and I believe he truly loved me. But there’s a dark side to him... drinking made it so much worse. His ex wife alleged dv which doesn’t surprise me as he would scream in monologues, not allowing me to say okay even.... pound on walls, overturned furniture, threw plates into the sink.
He broke up as he was tired of arguing. He would get so upset over such little things and if I tried to defend myself it made it so much worse. I broke his trust by saying goodbye in a text to his parents the next day and informed them how bad his drinking had become. I really loved them. He told me I had divided and hurt his family and blocked me. We haven’t communicated since.
My heart is broken. If anything is offensive here please do not take it that way.
submitted by Pinklepurr1 to ABCDesiSupportGroup [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 21:21 killerqueen408 A letter to B

I hope that by writing this, I can finally bury what died and move on.
Dear B,
I deeply regret that our relationship ended so suddenly last month. I wanted badly to make it work, to enjoy autumn with you, and celebrate our one year anniversary in November. I had dreams in my head of us cuddling in front of the fire, going ice skating, and kissing under the mistletoe. Then it all came crashing down last month. You told me that you were no longer in love with me and were seeing someone new. You told me that I didn't call you or text you enough, and that you turned to Bumble, the app where we met in the first place, to talk to other guys. Your words were like a dagger in my chest. I have to let my feelings loose here, since I was unable to tell you at the time exactly how I felt hearing that from you.
When I first started dating you, you admitted that I was the first long-term boyfriend you ever had. There was an obvious age and maturity difference between us; I was 24 when I first started dating you, you were 19. I was already finished with college and working my first full time job, you were still in school. But we made it work, and those months we were dating were truly the happiest months of my life. I never felt more comfortable and happy with anyone else. I loved those long afternoons cuddling after I picked you up from school, letting the day fade into night in each others arms. I took you to places I've never taken other girls before, like my favorite ATV park, the ice skating rink, and nearly every museum in San Francisco. You told me how badly you wanted to marry me and run away to another state, and I went as far as to entertain the thoughts of a life together.
I spent hours helping you pass your Spanish classes when I could have said no. I picked you up from school to come to my place when you could have taken the bus. I drove an hour in the middle of the night to pick you up from Napa when your friends got too drunk to drive you home. I fought with my parents to let you stay with us for a week when your parents kicked you out. I helped you stay away from drugs when you were depressed, and took you bowling instead of letting you go to a place where I knew you'd end up taking pills. When lockdowns started in March, I let you borrow one of my television's and my PS4 so you wouldn't be so bored in the house. I even talked to you in the middle of the night when you were having nightmares on multiple occasions. I knew that I would have to put in more effort than usual in a relationship because of your age and maturity level, but I was happy to.
I was even willing to put up with some very bad mistakes on your behalf. You lied to my face about your ex trying to get with you again, and I forgave you. You took pills on your birthday when you promised you wouldn't and lied about it, and again, I forgave you. I could have broken up with you multiple times over the lies you told me and your constant flirting with other guys but I didn't. Then, you iced me out of your life to be with some guy you met on Bumble while we were still dating. When you told me you wanted to break up, you tried to blame everything on me. You accused me of barely calling or texting you when I facetimed you every single day and tried to see you as often as I possibly could with my 40 hour a week schedule. You told me that I "pressured" you to have sex without a condom one time when I distinctly remember you were the one who asked me not to wear it after I asked "are you sure." You accused me of being a racist when you were the one who said you don't feel comfortable around black people. I don't think our relationship would have lasted much longer, but the way that you tried to avoid taking responsibility for anything that you've done and then immediately replace me really hurt. It made me question my worth as a person. But looking back, while I've made some mistakes, I would never in a million years dream of lying to you or making up excuses to justify cheating.
I don't think you're a bad person B, but you're incredibly immature. When I had issues, I was willing to talk through the issues I had with our relationship and work out solutions that made us both happy. When you felt neglected, you went behind my back to see other guys instead of telling me anything, right until the point you broke up with me. I sincerely hope that whoever you are seeing right now is the right guy for you, because even if you did come back to me, I would say no. I might have loved you, but I was willing to give up my dignity to keep our relationship, when you weren't even willing to put down your phone and stop texting other guys when you are an adult and definitely know better. I'm grateful for all of the positive memories we shared, but if I was to date you again, I would surrender my dignity, which I could never do again. Not for anyone, and not for you. I wish you the best of luck in the future.
-T
submitted by killerqueen408 to BreakUps [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 18:27 ImpalaLed I don't know what I want anymore, but I know what I don't want.

I'll admit that I have core issues of my own to deal with before I can expect to make any progress in meeting someone. I need to get over my crippling self-doubt and social anxiety. I can't outright cure my depression once and for all, but I can't let it control me. It's completely okay that I may not have a lot of dating experience or that I may feel nervous because I am not the world's greatest lover. If everything I am hearing from others is true, whatever supposed shortcomings I may feel I have won't matter if I am able to find someone who has the same amount of mutual love and respect for me. Part of what makes a relationship meaningful is helping one another overcome obstacles and growing together. Yeah, I may be a cynical misanthropic asshole, but I do still believe some of this positivity crap. Or at least I am hoping it is all true for my sake.
That being said, I guess I just have to own the fact that I am and have always been an "indoor kid" with geeky tendencies. Just because I never cared for sports or things like camping, hiking, fishing, etc. that doesn't mean that there aren't plenty of other adults my age who are the same way. I can't believe I am the only 40-something in the whole world who is still in an extended adolescence. There has to be plenty of folks who still enjoy video games and comic books. The internet is full of people who are incredibly passionate about movies and music and their age is irrelevant. I shouldn't feel like I am unworthy of love, just because I didn't go to college or that I haven't traveled. It doesn't make me any less interesting or any less deserving of a chance to be happy.
Unfortunately, I do find myself in a situation where it seems like I am unable to find any like-minded people. I am more Liberal than most of my family and coworkers and I am unapologetically Atheist. It's not to say I cannot be friends with Conservatives or religious people, but it could mean that I may not be seen as a good match with someone with strongly held opposing beliefs. I do know I have no interest in associating with extreme far-Right Conservative Christian Evangelicals and/or those who see absolutely nothing wrong with Trump. Those are things I can't budge on and given my lack of interest in faith or religion, I probably would just end up offending most people of faith, if they got to know me better.
I have had plenty of people tell me I am wrong for having this stance, but I don't agree. You really expect me to believe that a woman who believes in god and the concept of a soul and an afterlife is really going to want to become intimately involved with someone who openly calls religion bullshit? I'd imagine that most religious people ultimately want to settle down with someone who has the same values and faith. Most people who take their religion seriously, kinda feel obligated to get married, have kids, and raise their families in the church. I really don't know of many people who say, "Yeah, I believe in god, but it doesn't matter." How the fuck does that work? You may as well not believe if it doesn't matter to you. I don't know, maybe there are plenty of happy relationships between deeply Conservative bible-thumpers and bleeding heart Liberal heathens. I'm sure that religion is never an issue of contention for those couples, ever. I mean, I am getting so many likes on OLD sites from women who have things like, "Jesus First" in the profiles. (NOT!)
As for the Trump stuff, bottom line, I think the man is a raging lunatic and a complete disaster. I see nothing redeemable in him and I honestly have no respect for the people who continuously defend him, no matter what. He's a disgrace and people who like him should be ashamed. I won't budge on it and I won't apologize. I have never been deeply inspired by any politician, not even Obama, but I at least respected him and didn't find myself die inside a little more every time I'd hear his voice.
So, yeah, I know what sort of things I feel are deal breakers for me or what could be seen as red flags by others. I'm not terribly obsessed with looks, but I do know what I find attractive. I value things like a really good sense of humor, the ability to hold a conversation, enough mutual interests so we can enjoy things together, and being open and honest with each other. Nothing too pretentious or egregious there. I'm sure it's the sort of things most people want in a potential match.
I've never been a casual dater and I tend to be more monogamous, but that doesn't mean that if I met someone who essentially was like, "Hey, I am not in any rush to settle down or move in together. I don't have any interest in having kids with you or meeting each other's family. I am fine with keeping it casual in the sense that I'll be expecting a ring at any point in the near future either. I'm happy to focus on each other, enjoy one another's company, and have fun doing things together. If things really get serious, I'm game. I can be emotionally available and open, but that doesn't mean that this is the end."
I don't know, if that is what counts as causal these days or if it really means just hooking up randomly. I am not looking for that. Although, there was a time I would have been more into it.
I do know I am not really sure if I want kids. The whole "picket fence American Dream" was never something I saw for myself. I am in a situation right now where I could, if I had the money and gumption, move away from where I am now. If I felt like it wouldn't be a disaster, I'd say I would move out to LA and try to get into filmmaking, editing, music production, etc. My two biggest passions are films and music and I would so fucking love a career in that field. I just have no experience or education and I have no fucking confidence in myself to make such a bold move. I wouldn't even know where to start. That being said, getting a house and two kids, going to soccer practice on weekends, and having family over for Sunday dinner isn't where I can see myself at any time soon. I don't know if it will ever be in my future, I don't think I want it to be.
If the world was fair and I could get whatever I wanted, I'd be dating a Suicide Girl (I have a few in particular in mind), I'd be directing music videos for incredible Indie bands, and contributing song suggestions to incredibly iconic film soundtracks. I'd be friends with stand-up comedians and living in a modest house, someplace warmer. Right now, I am working in a job I don't care for, surrounded by coworkers I can't relate to. I have a challenging relationship with most of my family and no friends at all. I live alone with a cat and spend my time off in front of the TV during the day and, not often, laying in the dark, listening to music while high. I don't care to go to church on Sundays and I am not looking to donate to some sort of "pro-life" organization. It'd be a miracle to get me out of the apartment in the first place, but if I were to hit the streets in support of a cause, it would be something like allying myself with the LGBTQIA+ community or something like civil rights and equality for all. I'd be attending meetings for secular organizations, like Center For Inquiry. I'd be going to concerts on Saturday night and sleeping in on Sundays.
I doubt that's the sort of man most women my age are looking for, even if I wasn't so unsure of myself and desperate. I honestly just don't feel like there is anything out there for me any more.
submitted by ImpalaLed to depression [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 17:40 cyrpious OUT LIKE SHOUT!

I posted here sometime about a year ago. I’ve been married 12 years to my 40 LL wife. Our dumpster fire of a marriage has been awful since year 1. I have supported her through:
Her brother’s suicide. Her postpartum depression. When she didn’t want to work for 2 years because of our newborn son. When she didn’t want to work while she got her masters degree. Her continued use of pills and excessive pot use Her slow developing career. The death of her mother. Plus many many other things AND (of course) her LL.
So COVID should be, for most relationships, an opportunity for a sexual adventure- locked in a house with not much to do but drink and.... Obviously not for us or I wouldn’t be here.
So I noticed she was messaging with my cousin. No earth shattering comments but she was very clearly being flirtatious with him. Later I noticed she deleted the entire thread.
As I thought about how to approach this, she began to make comments about me “not being a real man”. For some context- I’m not effeminate. I have no sexual dysfunctions. I don’t hit her. I don’t wear women’s clothes. I don’t ask her to do typical male chores (mow the yard etc.). I would never allow anyone to disrespect her. I am strict with my son making sure he is respectful to his mother. My only “issue” is I was laid off and am not an ideal provider like I solidly was for the last 16 years of us being together. I would like to add that nothing mentioned above is a true marker for manhood, just some of the standard-go-to things some may assume.
I asked why she thought this, her response was “a real man wouldn’t let their family not have insurance...” “OK- I need to go and sit and think about some things”
10 minutes later I said she and I are done. DONE DONE DONE.
There has been some standard drama, the divorce process will suck but I am so glad to share that our son is doing OK. I am doing OK. The massive financial hit sucks but I realize it’s worth it to have my life and identity back. I never thought I could do this. I always believed it would get better. But enough was enough. I have endured far more shit sandwiches than any human deserves to.
I am excited to see what online dating is like! It was pretty sketchy when we started dating. I can’t wait for reality to set in for her that she had it really good. And I’ll never see it happen or hear about it, but she is going to have some rude awakenings about modern sexual expectations in today’s dating world. Once every 6 weeks isn’t going to cut it. I know I shouldn’t relish in her future misery but she stole so much of my time. I won’t let her have 1 more day. I post this because I would read other stories about people leaving. I gave me hope and I hope that this will do the same for you. Maybe leaving isn’t the answer for your situation, but if it’s NOT an option because of your fear, please please please reach down deep inside, pray, whatever, and do what you need to GET YOUR LIFE BACK.
submitted by cyrpious to DeadBedrooms [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 16:48 remy_gton remove bathtub or not

I will be redoing our very dated master bathroom soon. The house was built in the 80s and the bathroom is original (with grey/blue bathtub, off white sinks and all).
We do not use the tub and would rather have a nice large shower instead of a tub we have to climb in and out every day.
I heard that not having a tub in a master bathroom can badly hurt the resale value. I wonder if future buyers of the house (likely a family in their 30s or 40s) will see it this way.
Am I really hurting the resale value by removing the tub?
submitted by remy_gton to HomeImprovement [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 16:44 -CHAD_THUNDERCOCK- A view from the other side.

42 yo male here. I am FA by choice. It wasn’t always that way. I’ve been FA for years, Since I was a teen, Involuntarily, because I’ve always been 100lbs. overweight. The glares and curled upper lips I would get from women were soul crushing. Even doing everyday tasks, like asking for help at the store, people would treat me like a troll. So I spent most of my adult life in the basement playing video games. 20,000 hours on TF2.
I never experienced a relationship where the other person was into me. So early last year I stopped eating due to depression and Lost a lot of weight. now I get hit on. Like all the time. That has never happened to me before. People are just nicer in general to me, both men and women. Friends who I disconnected with are trying to get back into my life to hang out. Women approach me and ask me on dates. Many of them younger, as much as 15 years younger. I was definitely a “volcel”...I think living in a basement all these years paid off, because my skin is extremely youthful with no sun damage. I’ve been told my skin looks like porcelain.
At times I feel like I wasted my life, had I known I only needed to lose weight. But I also feel like people are so shallow to only be interested in me because I’m thin. It’s nice to feel wanted I guess, but it’s also disgusting. They don’t REALLY want me, they just want who I look like. So I still feel alone. I’ve had sex twice from age 15 to 40. I’ve had sex 30 times in the past year. Well, I should rephrase that: I’ve had sex with 30 people in the past year. I’ve had sex many more times than 30. At first it felt great. It was fun and full of exploration. But each time I attached less value to it. And that, ironically, translated to more females (and males) wanting sex. Now I have literally no desire for sex.
I feel like I’m slowly turning into a psychopath. When I went on dates this past year I started saying things like I’m an alcoholic, or I live in my van, or I’m without a job, Just to see what their reaction would be. They still showed interest, because of my looks. People are so shallow and vain.
Is it nice to feel wanted? Yes it is. But I don’t feel like they really want me. It all seems like a farce. So earlier this year I just stopped dating. I literally feel sick to my stomach when a woman approaches me. And yes, I’ve considered that maybe I’m gay, so I went on two dates with dudes too. We got intimate, I just wasn’t interested at all sexually.
Honestly, I don’t know how much better it is. Sometimes I wish I could be fat again, so people would ignore me. Life was a lot easier in many ways when people acted like I didn’t exist. But I also acknowledge that life is easier in some ways because of my looks, as I do have easier access to anything in life.
I do know one thing: I still go to sleep at night, hoping that I don’t wake up.
submitted by -CHAD_THUNDERCOCK- to FA30plus [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 15:43 Darkchurchhill I am 24 years old make $90,000, live in Boston, Massachusetts and work as a full stacks developer

*mental health, drugs, body image and food discussed\*
Background: Hi, I am 24 years old and make $90,000, live in the Boston area (Cambridge/Somerville). I work as a full stacks developer and have a BS in computer science. Currently, I live with two housemates in a cute townhome apartment in a nice walkable neighborhood with lots of parks, restaurants, and amenities. I originally moved here from LA on a whim late last September despite not knowing anyone or having a place to call home. I was living with my parents after university and working in a job environment I hated. I was really depressed and overspent on clothes, beauty products, and going out like crazy to cope. Moving to Boston allowed me to feel in control of my life, and as of today, it’s been officially a year, which is crazy. I decided to put one up today to celebrate. I’ve always wanted to do a money diary, but was ashamed to do so when I felt like a mess.
Section One: Assets and Debt
Section Two: Income
Section Three: Expenses
Wednesday 16th
7:00am: The sun wakes me. I was hoping to sleep in more since I redownloaded tinder last night and stayed up till like 3am swiping and contemplating if this was the wrong decision for my mental and physical health. One of my matches messaged me to come over. I haven’t gotten laid since before the pandemic lockdown started. The sexual frustration has been real. I entertain the thought, but don’t reply back.
11:30am: On a zoom meeting with my boss, she asks us if we would like to start coming back twice a week to meet in person in October. I feel unsure about this, as I am still sketched out by public transit, but everything is still up in the air.
12:30pm: I eat leftover fried rice for lunch I made. I say fried rice but it mostly consists of vegetables. I still feel hungry afterwards, but I guess if I was going to be dating again I should lose some more weight so I can feel hot on my virtual zoom calls or wherever people do nowadays.
4:00pm: The work day is over early today. I hit up the guy on tinder who wanted to hook up. We make arrangements for him to slide through later this evening. He offers to come over to my place instead because he had something to do in Cambridge first anyways, and offers to bring drinks. We exchanged instagrams. I’m a little sussed out because he looks like the type who is really into themselves (like really into archival fashion RickOwens/Celine/YSL and has tons of edgy selfies). Whatever it’s just sex. I tell him it’s fine and that I have both wine and weed, and he sends me a little devil emoji.
5:00pm: I take the time to clean my room and make myself look presentable before planting myself onto the couch. I actually have no idea when he’s going to come, but I don’t want to message him again because if he doesn’t come through I want the satisfaction of him thinking I couldn’t care less. It’s toxic, I know, but in my lifetime I’ve been treated so badly by people I’ve given my heart to that sometimes I feel like my pride is the only thing I have left. Anyways, I wait by listening to female dating empowerment podcasts, hoping that some of the hosts’ confidence would rub off onto me.
7:00pm: I open a bottle of wine in anticipation and pour myself a glass.
10:00pm: No word from him, I guess I got stood up. Wow, only one day in and I’m already getting the full tinder experience. No surprises here though. I'm an adult. I can handle disappointment. I’m just really drunk now and alone.
11:00pm: Moody vinyls are now being played. I’m on the phone with friends, and three-fourths of my bottle of wine is gone. I check instagram only to see that the little weasel has unfollowed me so naturally I unfollowed him. I open tinder to unmatch him, but as I am doing so, his profile disappears. The prick beat me to it, and the petty side of me is annoyed. I think I’m just going to pass out. Honestly, I don’t hate this. The side of me who hates courting people has now overtaken my sex drive (the way it should be), and all forces are back to equilibrium. I’m only upset at how good of a job I did making myself look hot when there is no one here to appreciate it. The wine puts a spell on me, and I fall asleep to the muffled voice of my housemate calling his long distance girlfriend from the floor above me.
Total spent-$0
Thursday 17th
5:00am: I wake up and feel lots of shame. I swipe a bit, but there is no one I’m attracted to. It shouldn’t be this hard to get laid. I delete tinder from my phone. Ooof I’m glad my moment of weakness was short lived this time. I’m sorry y’all has to lay witness this to this dumpster fire.
7:00am: I check my emails. Three days ago, I applied for a new credit card with Chase and my application still hasn’t been approved. Weird, I have a good credit score and last year when I applied for my american express it took like a day. I am planning on spending $500 on a new synth (I am currently lusting over the Megafm by twisted electronics), and this card has a $200 cash back for the first $500 spent in the first 3 months. I google how long this process will take. Some say it takes about a week. I can wait. Guess you guys won’t be around to share my joy of blowing all my monies on synths.
11:30am: It’s avocado toast time. I need the carbs to combat the grogginess the wine left me feeling. It doesn’t taste great because I’m pretty sure my avocados are overripe, but oh well.
12:00pm: I check my credit card statement. My mom has made a $170 grocery store order with my credit card. I get 6% cash back on groceries and she wants to help me with getting cash back. The last time I saw her she gave me a few hundred dollars in cash to cover this. I don’t mind because I needed cash to buy merch at shows and stuff, and my bank doesn’t have any branches or atms in the Boston area. It’s kind of inconvenient now because everywhere has gone cashless, but I’m sure it’ll come into use when life resumes again or if I buy something off FB marketplace. $170
5:30pm: I make more fried rice and eat dinner. I make enough for lunch tomorrow as well.
8:23pm: I watch the The Real Story of Paris Hilton, her new documentary on youtube. The main opening song is Jesus and Mary Chain's Just like Honey. I remember how much I love this song and how much I would like to actually own it. I hop onto discog and search for a copy of the LP Psychocandy and buy it. I use leftover paypal credit in my account from when I sold some clothes on depop to cover the cost. $25.19.
10:00pm: Wow, the documentary was actually pretty sad. I always felt bad for Paris because of her leaked sex tapes when she was just a teen (and how the media painted her as the villain/slut for it), but was shocked to learn how she and countless other girls was drugged and abused by their boarding schools.
2:00am: I finish catching up on work and go to bed.
Total spent-$195.19
Friday
10:00am: Shoot I overslept. I log into work asap. I missed my daily 9:00am morning stand up, but my boss is usually pretty relaxed about these things. I still feel bad about it.
12:00pm: Eat fried rice for lunch. My friend messages me if I wanted to go record shopping with him. To be honest, I’ve been avoiding unnecessary in person retail shopping and don’t want to spend anymore money on records this month, but I also know he takes rejection super personally. He's insecure and always in his head that everyone actually dislikes him. It’s probably a little true because he does act like a brat sometimes, but I think it's due to severe depression. I tell him I’ll be down and justify the outing due to the record shop being near an asian grocer I like. I need groceries anyways and haven’t been to this store since pre pandemic.
4:30pm: I log out of work. Finally, the weekend.
5:00pm I take an edible and get ready to leave my home.
6:20pm I take the T to Central and pay with my pre loaded transit card. Back in March, I loaded $20 onto it and now I’m down to $4.80. I guess I have to reload it soon again. My friend informs me he’ll be late. I’m starting to feel high so I walk around and look at all the restaurants doing outdoor dining. My favorite place in Central is only doing takeout.
7:00pm: My friend arrives. We go to the record shop. I’m really high at this point. The tight aisles of the record shop makes me nervous.
7:30pm: My friend makes some big purchases, but I leave empty handed. We head over to the Hmart across the street. It’s nice to buy asian groceries. I stock up on veggies, enoki mushrooms, frozen gyoza, tofu, and even let myself get a few snacks. $68
8:00pm: One of my friends just messages me that Ruth Bader Ginsburg just passed. Truly devastating to hear. What a crazy election year.
8:30pm: I’m home and have the munchies. I snack on some of the things I bought, but it doesn’t fill my cravings.
9:45pm: I decide that I am ordering Mickey Ds. I call my housemate downstairs and ask him if he wants anything. He laughs and says no, causing me to doubt my order. However, he encourages me to order anyways, as he wants to mooch off some of my fries. I order fries and a mcChicken, and he sticks around downstairs like a seagull. $11
10:15pm: My food arrives. I know I will regret this tomorrow.
Total spent-$79
Saturday
8:00am: I regret ordering food last night. One of my friends once said to me “There is nothing you can eat that can make you feel as good as being skinny”. I’m not sure if I can agree with him, but it’s definitely true when it comes to fast food. My stomach hurts so bad. I distract myself by watching youtube in bed.
11:00am: I finally get up and call my mom. She informs me that one of my dad’s colleges passed from Covid-19 at age 40. That is so sad. It reminds me that getting laid can wait till next year. Rip my non existing sex life-- too soon for death jokes?
1:00pm: I work out in my living room (out of guilt for last night). I’ve been doing so well eating wise for the last few weeks and actually lost some of my quarantine weight. My only vice is that I love getting high, but I have no control when it comes to having the munchies.
2:00pm: The weather is starting to change, and it’s actually getting cold. It’s so strange. As a Calfornian, this time of year is usually the hottest. I pulled out a jacket I haven’t worn in a while. I find five dollars, a purple glittery gel pen, and an almost brand new pack of cigs in the pockets. What a score. I’m a seasonal social smoker, by that I mean that I only smoke when it gets cold and usually to meet new people in smoking pits at shows so I haven't touched a cig in months. To celebrate my finds and the changing of the seasons, I smoke one and it suppresses my post workout hunger.
4:00pm: I’m just watching tiktok on the couch, while snacking a little. I feel so guilty for being unproductive, but not enough to motivate myself to do something.
5:00pm: I move my ac unit from my room to the basement. Won’t be needing that for the rest of the year.
7:00pm: I make gyoza and hang out with my housemate playing video games (the newish Catherine reboot).
Total spent-$0
Sunday
4:45am: I fell asleep on the couch last night. I drag myself to the bathroom to take out contacts and brush my teeth. I close my window, climb into my bed, and go back asleep. It’s so cold.
11:40am: I wake up and check my messages. My other housemate is finally coming home after staying with his new girlfriend at her place for the last two months. He asks us what we want from Blue Ribbon, a bbq place we always get takeout from together. The house votes on one and a half chicken, a pint of burnt ends, slab of ribs, a quart of brisket, and a side of coleslaw. We split the cost three ways. $34
2:05pm: My housemate still hasn’t come home with food, but I’m hella hungry. Apparently he ordered from the wrong location and now has to go to another to pick up the food.
2:30pm: We eat bbq and then cake. My housemate accidentally missed my other housemate’s birthday, while he was gone living with his girlfriend so he brought makeup dessert.
3:30pm: We play video games (Smash ultimate) together for a few hours.
6:00pm: Everyone retires to their room except me. I sit on the couch and waste time on tictok. It sucks to be the only person in the house without a partner to call. I like being independent and openly acknowledge that I’m emotionally unavailable, but these last few months have made me question what I really need.
8:00pm: I go back to my room to get some work done.
12:30am: I feel lonely. I fall asleep to a documentary about Candy Darling.
Total spent-$34
Monday
8:00am: Wake up. Check my emails. I ordered a skirt from a seller on Thrilling (vintage clothing site) 3 weeks ago and it still hasn’t been sent out. I’m unhappy about this. I messaged Thrilling last week and the customer service rep reached out to the seller, and the seller said they will have it out by Saturday, but USPS tracking begs to differ. The item is still in pre shipment.
10:00am: I snack on blueberries as I work.
4:30pm: I log out of work. I eat BBQ leftovers for dinner and half a cookie. I open my 3rd la croix of the day. I’m down to only having two 12 packs. Will probably have to restock next week. I have a la croix addiction and go through 3-4 a day.
5:00pm: My housemate’s girlfriend swings by with a package from an online purchase he made (the one that just came back yesterday). He goes out to the driveway to meet her and tries to convince her to come in. She refuses because she’s self conscious of her quarantine weight. Big sad for me. I have yet to meet her and I was kind of looking forward to it. I haven’t interacted with another woman irl for a really really long time, and I really miss all my girlfriends in California. My housemate tells me that she said she’ll be willing to meet us once she loses weight first. I take that as I’ll never meet her.
5:30pm: I play video games with housemates to get in my daily socialization fix.
7:00pm: I practice playing banjo.
9:30pm: I do some more work before bed. Today was a standard boring day.
Total spent- $0
Tuesday
8:30am: I’m pleased that day’s are getting shorter and the sun is no longer waking me up at 5am everyday. I sleep next to multiple windows and the glare of the sun loves to hit directly where my pillows and head lie. While dressing I put on a bodysuit that I love, but I haven’t worn since college and a pair of Tripp raver pants. I can’t believe that up until I moved to Boston, I used to dress like this. There is so much side boob. Boston has made me so much more conservative in the way I dress, and I cover up. I put on a tight cardigan and am impressed with myself. Earlier this spring, this cardigan did not look good on me. Seems like my diet is working even though I did fudge up this weekend.
12:00pm: I eat leftovers for lunch and read today’s money dairy. The writer is similar to my age, which peaks my interest (also the mention of bumble in the title). I feel lonely. I need to stop thinking about dating apps. I can’t wait until it is safe to pick up men and women under dark lighting and liquid courage again.
4:30pm: I log out of work, and begin editing my money diary entries. It’s pretty therapeutic and feels like I’m talking to a group of new friends. There are a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes. I’m dyslexic so please bear with me.
5:00pm: I stir fry leftover rice, some leftover bbq meat, egg, broccoli, baby bok choy, and edamame. Dinner is ready. One of my housemates comes downstairs and also makes dinner and eats.
5:30pm: We play smash bros for a bit. I’m surprised our other housemate doesn’t come downstairs to join us. It’s been so long since he’s lived with us I forgot he always randomly falls asleep at weird times.
6:30pm: We retire to our rooms. I practice playing the banjo for a bit, while I chat with a friend through text.
9:15pm: Just doing some more work.
12:00am: Can't sleep so I exercise.
TOTAL FOR THE WEEK - $308.19
Food + Drink $113
Fun / Entertainment $25.19
Other $170
Lastly, reflect on your diary! Spending wise, this is a pretty typical week for me post pandemic. Most days I don’t spend money, but once or twice a month I would drop quite a bit of money (usually $500-600) on hobby related things, like the synth I mentioned in this diary. My spending has dramatically increased during the quarantine because I need to find ways to entertain and stimulate myself. Pre-pandemic most of my discretionary spending was spent on day trips and going to shows, which is pretty cheap and added up to no more than $400 a month. I was hardly ever home and when I was it was to wind down so I invested way less into my hobbies. I also spent less on food. Since spending more time with my housemates, the idea of takeout has become more normalized for me (I used to eat out once or twice a month, now I get take out at least once a week).
submitted by Darkchurchhill to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 14:27 leeannbeck My ex just told me they are trans. I'm trans.

Let's get to the point. I am AJ, short for James (pronouns he/him). M and I have known each other for nine years, together for seven of them. When we first met, M presented as a cisgender man and I presented as a cisgender woman. I broke up with M two years ago, and we stayed friends. M still is heels over head in love with me, M loves me very much.
(I know this is the wrong subreddit and myexistrans is invite only. I just need to get this out on what else I can do to support M, so bear with me for the time being.)
For the past three years, M has known I am transmasculine nonbinary. M also had their struggles about me being transmasc nonbinary--constantly being worried that I'd never wear dresses/lingerie/bras/panties ever again, I'd never have periods again, I'd never have breasts and a vagina again, I'd never have long hair again, etc. Considering that M reiterated that M did accept and love me being myself as transmasc nonbinary, this glaring contradiction was confusing as hell for me. Some of the comments M made offhand were transphobic and/or some of what M did triggered my gender dysphoria, and we had several conversations/arguments about it but M never seemed to really process and understand it.
(To be fair, M was having some serious substance abuse issues during this time, being high and/or drunk, and this was one of the biggest factors in why I left M. M was just not "all there" for so much of it.)
Over those three years, M also increasingly made their femininity more prominent. Crossdressing, makeup, specific comments M made... the little things were adding up. None of it bothered me, I was supportive and nonjudgmental.
Well, sure enough, M came out as trans (MTF) to me earlier tonight, pronouns she/hers/they/them.
M confessed that as much as she accepted me for who I was and am, she realized those transphobic comments about my transition stemmed from some deep-seated fears and insecurities she had. M was raised Roman Catholic, now 41 years old, and the father of four gorgeous children (ages 20, 14, 12, 8; the oldest two on the west coast with M from M's first ex, and the youngest two several states away with M's second ex).
(1) M strongly feels that she will never be able to transition... ever, and that I will be the only one in her life to ever know and see her for who she truly is.
Even though M is my ex, it just breaks my heart hearing that from her, trans person to trans person. Most of the folks in my life have been nothing but very supportive since I came out to them as trans.
I asked M why she feels this way, and M said she's afraid of being judged, being abandoned, being rejected. M's also afraid that M's second ex will do her damnedest to bar M from seeing the younger two kids whatsoever because M knows her very well and the ex is quick to judge. M has a difficult time making friends, let alone finding other gender nonconforming/trans adults in their early 40s that M can talk with.
M told me that her feeling of being never able to transition subsequently led her to also feel that the closest she would ever get to being a woman for herself was if I still had my breasts and my vagina when I was in bed with her, if I wore dresses/lingerie/bras/panties, if I had periods, etc. Basically, M was living vicariously through me the whole time and I didn't realize it. I was (and still am) M's image of the ideal woman M wanted (and wants) to be. M sees herself in me. M is only now beginning to realize that the transphobia she internalized from society about herself, she was projecting it on to me.
(2) It is for those reasons cited above in #1 (and quite a few other reasons) that M told me that she has such a difficult time letting me go... even though it has been over two years since we last broke up. M is afraid that M would never find any other person who would "get it" and love her for who she is. M is the sort of person who just has to have a life partner, M doesn't want to be single.
(3) Within hours of telling me she's trans (MTF), M repeatedly sent me photos of her trying to do sexy poses in lingerie, each time she would ask me if this or that turned me on, and in between she'd say, "Can I be your girl? Just you and me again?"
I tried explaining to M a few times that we're exes, that I am not turned on, I am not interested in receiving those pictures, and that I am not interested in dating or sexual activities whatsoever with anyone for the time being. I did a heavy emphasis to her that I am trying not to burst her bubble and me not being turned on does not necessarily mean that she is "not hot/good/sexy/pretty" as a woman (because of the timing how she just came out as trans to me a few hours prior, I was trying to be as considerate as possible).
Here is what I have done.
Here are my questions, focused on how to support M.
Thank you!
submitted by leeannbeck to mypartneristrans [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 12:09 MindfulMowgli This way of life could save the world!

My grandpa once told me: "Listen dipsh*t, if you rely on someone else for your food... then they own you AND your lovely wife."
Well... my crazy grandpa wasn't totally wrong. There is simply too many people on this planet and not enough resources to go around. All the family's generational wealth has been either divided into dust or soaked up by the rich 1%. The division of wealth and power in this world is so unbalanced, it's sick and saddening. Because of this, there are many people struggling who are so tormented and defeated... homeless, unemployed, or working as wage slaves (because overpopulation makes for cheap labor); that they feel like there is no place for them in the future and that suicide is the only option. In our current world, the right to eat, shelter, and drink fresh water are not guaranteed rights to ALL individuals! That fact is absolutely just mind blowing. Who's to blame? Humanity's greed, overpopulation, and poor distribution of efforts and resources, perhaps. (Rant over)
THE ETHICAL SOLUTION of a RADICAL NEW WORLD: In my opinion, The Great Pyramids of Egypt are a simple reminder of Maslow's 6-tier hierarchy of needs. When you take Maslow's pyramid and combined it with a hybrid of Homesteading and Universal Basic Income, something heavenly is born! Regardless of birth race, place, or poverty...I believe all people of earth and all governances should adjoin to fulfill the common goal that each living person has the right to have their Physiological needs met. We NEED to get people gardening and reconnected with their roots! (If we don't, people's nutritionless crappy diets will continue resulting in cancer and disease.) In my opinion, it's what we ALL NEED. I call it Maslow's Ark.
Maslow's Ark - Life on Earth should be modeled after Heaven; with a place and purpose prepared for you when you're born. When born to the Earth, you deserve the right to your basic physiological needs such as food, water, and shelter. (Not to struggle because your dirt poor parents selfishly birthed you to 'duck-tape' their failed marriage together... or because they get a child tax credit! \sarcasm**) We, The United People of Earth in order to transcend Maslow's Physiological needs as a birthright. Achieved by way of hybrid mix of self-sufficient homesteading and Universal Basic Income (UBI) payments. To transform and upgrade shitty land and broken homes into self-sufficient sustainable functional quality 2 or 4 Acre personalized ('green new deal'/ permaculture) homesteads and housing, thereby creating an economy of guaranteed paid jobs with the support of resources from local and world governances centrally focused on preparing places (aka Heavens on earth) for others and future generations. When working for Maslow's Ark, you are essentially doing the work of an Angel. (Biblically speaking, Naoh's Ark was a literal ship, but what is Planet Earth, but one giant Space Ship?) This way of life is my little brain-child and I would like to name it "Maslow's Ark."
We all have Physiological needs to live a fulfilled life. Nobody wants war. Nobody wants death or famine. I want to focus specifically on the 'end-cap' Tiers 1 & 6 of Maslow's pyramid as how they would look if applied to our current world. I think that all countries and individuals with a net wealth over $10m must contribute generously of resources by a majority vote (perhaps) via coordination of the United Nations leverage to kick-start this.
A quick refresher of Maslow's 6-tier pyramid:
Tier 1. Physiological needs - these are biological requirements for human survival, e.g. air, food, water, shelter, clothing, warmth, sex, sleep.
Tier 2. Safety needs - Once an individual’s physiological needs are satisfied, the needs for security and safety become salient. Protection from greed and corruption.
Tier 3. Love and belongingness needs - after physiological and safety needs have been fulfilled, the third level of human needs is social and involves feelings of belongingness. The need for interpersonal relationships motivates behavior
Tier 4. Esteem needs are the fourth level in Maslow’s hierarchy - which Maslow classified into two categories: (i) esteem for oneself (dignity, achievement, mastery, independence) and (ii) the desire for reputation or respect from others (e.g., status, prestige).
Tier 5. Self-actualization needs are the highest level in Maslow's hierarchy, and refer to the realization of a person's potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences. Maslow (1943) describes this level as the desire to accomplish everything that one can, to become the most that one can be.
Tier 6. Transcendence - the very highest and most inclusive or holistic levels of human consciousness, behaving and relating, as ends rather than means, to oneself, to significant others, to human beings in general, to other species, to nature, and to the cosmos. AKA - To Help other's Self-Actualize, beginning with Physiological Needs.
**How it works, in a nut shell:**If you don't have kids, you're a hero and don't need to work much. If you have 1 child, you must work Part-Time for Maslow's Ark. If you have 2 children, you must work Full-Time for Maslow's Ark.
How it will work in detail (Beta v1.3):
No Children Pledge:
  1. At the age of 15, you graduate from a life skills school and may inherit the choice of either: Option A - Inherit a paid-for 2 acre prepared homestead and receive 70% ($840usd per month) UBI Payments. Option B - Assigned a non-arable rent-free apartment with 80% UBI payments ($960us per month). Option C - You live life freestyle, like in an RV, conversion van, or you're homeless, or a homestead/apartment isn't available or prepared for you yet; you shall receive 100% ($1200) UBI payments. *For either option A,B, or C; the child-free individual must perform volunteer work for Maslow's Ark 1 day per week (4 flexible days per month) for 20 years. *Your choice depends on if you preference for living in-town or out-of-town. (The individual may have the opportunity to switch between these, once every 4 years.) *In addition, those who pledge not to have children are awarded a 1oz 24k Gold world medal of honor for serving the duty of your planet for their selfless child-free commitment. AKA If you don't have kids, you don't need to work much. (Through population de-escalation, these people are the real heroes and saviors of planet Earth.) *A married child-free couple may choose to consolidate in one of three ways: A. Consolidate to upgrade into a single 4-acre prepared homestead and each receive 65% ($780usd) UBI payments. C. Consolidate to a single 2-acre prepared homestead and each receive 80% UBI payments ($960us per month). B. Consolidate to upgrade into a non-arable single family home and each receive 85% ($1020usd) UBI payments. D. Consolidate to a single apartment, but each receive 90% ($1,080us) UBI Payments. (It's these individuals that will have the most financial momentum to start a business, be teachers, or become BacheloMaster Degree Students if they choose to pursue higher education with their free time, or for those that love to travel and see the world, and generally be the local economy stimulators.)
  2. For married parents caring for 1 child, When that child turns 2 years of age: Option A - If the parents have consolidated to a single 4-acre prepared homestead, they will each receive a 40% UBI ($480). Option B - If the parents have consolidated to a single 2-acre prepared homestead, they will each receive a 50% UBI ($600). Option C - If the parents have consolidated to a non-arable single-family home they will each receive a 55% UBI ($660). Option D - If the parents have consolidated to a single apartment they will each receive 60% UBI ($720). \In either option A,B,C, or D; the married couple must also commit to paid work for Maslow's Ark a minimum net of 5 days per week for 20 years. The parents may divide the work days between each other as a 0/5 or 2/3 split for example.* **If the couple's net 20 years of work service concludes prior to retirement, then their UBI payment will be 65% each until retirement.
  3. For married parents caring for 2 children, When that child turns 2 years of age: Option A - If the parents have consolidated to a single 4-acre prepared homestead, they will each receive 25% UBI ($300). Option B - If the parents have consolidated to a single 2-acre prepared homestead, they will each receive 30% UBI ($360). Option C - If the parents have consolidated to a non-arable single-family home they will each receive 40% UBI ($480). Option D - If the parents have consolidated to a single apartment they will each receive 45% UBI ($540). \In either option A,B,C, or D; the married couple must also commit to paid work for Maslow's Ark a minimum net of 7 days per week for 20 years. The parents may divide the work days between each other as a 0/7, 2/5, or 3/4 split for example. (The 3/4 split allows someone to always be home for the kids, animals, and vegetable gardens.)* **If the couple's net 20 years of work service concludes prior to retirement, then their UBI payment will be 55% each until retirement.
  4. Adoption: If a married couple with no children elect to adopt an orphan child they are awarded a 1oz 24k Gold world medal of honor for serving the duty of their planet. In addition to each keeping their 100% UBI payments, they also qualify for an additional 30% UBI payment until that child turns 16 (when they will have Maslow's Physiological needs fulfilled as a birthright).
Experimental Extra Options:
  1. An optional 6 acre prepared homestead capped at 20% UBI Payments.
  2. An optional 10 acre prepared homestead capped at 10% UBI Payments.
Universal conditions: -Individuals cannot sell or sub-lease their single family homes, homesteads, or apartments for profit, since they were prepared by The People of Earth, they inherently belong to The People of Earth. -World adoption of a 2-child limit. -Universal Healthcare (including birth control) -Free Education for All -Retirement age is 65, when you receive 90% UBI (instead of Social Security).
How Maslow's Ark Schooling Would Work: Schools would serve the communities multi-functionally; as food banks, seed banks, internship & job connection centers, and teaching children basic life skills. At the heart of every town city and community, there must be an large agricultural center (not just a vampire w-mart), with all the tools and resources needed to grow fruits, vegetables, care for farm animals, and other things like making compost. I propose combining the agricultural center and school as one system. If hungry people in the community desperately need food or seeds, (since the kids are growing food) they can return to their school for food and cheap supplies, functioning as the backbone and heart of every town. All current schools will be converted into large-scale self sufficient homesteads. The governances of the world will fund the solar and wind-powered system upgrades (making them off-grid which give the students a means to learn these systems). Ages 4-10 would be your standard basic Math, Language, Health, Cooking, and History. In addition, 50% of each school day would be learning how to grow food, raise chickens, milk cows, and maintain all aspects of a homestead. (Children will actually care for 2 reasons: A. Everyone loves baby chickens and B. The kids are promised a homestead at 15, and that's SO MUCH BRIGHT & POSITIVE ENERGY! (Unless they choose the apartment...)) (Every human should know how to be self-sufficient!) It's much better for children to during fresh organic milk and vitamin-rich tomatoes anyways, in those early development years. Ages 11-13 would be training in a more specific life-skill trade. Ages 14-15 would be internships where students go to job-sites to learn and assist the parents in Maslow's Ark homestead preparation. Additionally, the schools may also function as a free wholesome dating and room-mate pairing service as well as free marriages. World Governances would fund schools to build homes, (rather than the traditional mortgage) further making schools central work hubs for internships and parents.
Maslow's jobs may include (and be educationally centered around): -Housing & Apartment Rehabilitation (Carpentry, Electrical, Plumbing, HVAC) -Boosting soil Fertility & Compost Creation -Regional Food Gardening, Nurseries, & Research -Planting Permaculture Trees, Arborist, Lumber Mills -Building Greenhouses & Barns -Wood & Gas eventually replaced by fusion energy electricity plants -Solar, Wind, and Battery Technology/Service -Helping care for thy Elderly & Disabled neighbors -Farm Animal Care & breeding -Property, Homes, and Jobs bank coordinator -Small scale Electric Farm Equipment & Electric vehicle production & service. -Clean Water Production such as wells, ponds, rainwater and desalination. -100% Trash Reuse, Repurpose, & Recycling -Teaching all the aforementioned.
The Economy: Self sufficiency means less tax revenue for the government, but at the same time, (the US government is doing a terrible job at creating jobs and unemployment rates are skyrocketing. Capitalist governments don't care if businesses like w-mart or h-depot bleed towns dry of money and killed all the mom n' pop shops, or let robots take over factories. Between the green new deal, and working for Maslow's Ark homesteads, there would be millions of jobs created for regular every-day people. Every house with a big lawn could be retrofit as a homestead. Parents of kids must work, therefore they get charged taxes on their paychecks. Parents without children have a greater allowance to spend money on taxable goods and services. With The People of Earth circumventing the need to spend the bulk of their lives paying for a mortgage and having money tied into their mortgages, you will see a huge shift in people investing in other assets such as stocks, silver, gold, and bitcoin as a means of generational wealth, as it should be. What I also know is that when more people are incentivized to not have kids, the proceeding generations have more space and resources. Population de-escalation creates abundance. I theorize for example: 4 or 5generations from now, you might take 3 established fruiting 2 acre homesteads and combine them into a lavish 6 acre homestead for a single couple, where UBI payments become less and less necessary, until no longer needed. In this case, you'd have an abundance of food for sale, trade and barter, and plenty of gold medals inherited from child-free aunts and uncles. This is much more appealing than the choice of an apartment in a city. I think cities would dissipate and skyscrapers be used for vertical farming. (Like Thanos, without all the death.) (Disclaimer* I'm not an economist.) I would love to hear feedback if you agree or disagree that this would work and suggest improvements to make it work better.
In conclusion, my number and % ratios may need some fine tuning, but I believe this is the only functioning groundwork for the way that a simple and fulfilled life should be. I would love to hear feedback and I hope this concept of hybrid homesteading & % Ratio UBI becomes widely known and built upon.
submitted by MindfulMowgli to homestead [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 11:22 Wizamp September Update of Slaying the White Whale

I'll do a write-up later for this month but after 8+ years, I finally beat The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. The oldest game in my backlog, my ever present white stag, Moby Dick, the one that lingered but never slain. Until today. Can finally move on to other Wii games, and a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Not the longest or toughest, but the most important one in my eyes, the holy grail. Everything from now to the end of the year is just a victory lap in comparison.
January
Shadowrun Returns (2013, PC, TBS/RPG)- 18.5 hours Heroes of Annihilated Empires (2006, PC, RTS/RPG)- 23 hours Persona Q (2014, 3DS, RPG)- 112 hours (September 2019-January 2020) 
February
Pokemon Picross (2015, 3DS, Puzzle), breaks in between - 81.3 hours (May 2016-February 2020) 
March
Outlaws + DLC (1997, PC, Wild West FPS) - 15 hours (January - March) Stronghold HD (Military + Economy Campaigns) (2001, PC, RTS) - 25 hours (January - March) Hocus Pocus (1994, PC, Side-Scrolling Platformer) - 6.5 hours (A week of magic in March) Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney (2001, 2014 Trilogy Remake, 3DS, Courtroom Visual Novel) - 36 hours (1/28/20-3/28/20) 
April
Heretic Kingdoms: The Inquisition (2004, PC, Diablo-like Isometric ARPG) - 28 hours, (March 21-April 3) Fire Emblem: Awakening (2012, 3DS, tactical RPG) - 45 hours, (2017, 2020) Ultimate Doom (1993, PC, FPS) - 10 hours, (March-April 2020) Shantae & The Pirate's Curse (2014, 3DS, Side-Scroller) - 9 hours 
May
Tales of Maj'Eyal (2012, PC, Roguelike RPG) - 20 hours as Ogre/Writhing One Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days (2009, DS, Action RPG) - 31 hours 
June
Jade Empire: Special Edition (2007, PC, RPG) - 25 hours, Monk Zeng, Open Palm 
July
Rome: Total War (2004, PC, RTS) - About 51 hours, House Brutii, Long Campaign Imperator Monster Prom (2018, PC, Hilarious Dating Sim) - 40 minutes, got a date and replaying it Sigma Theory (2019, PC, Turn-Based Espionage Cold War Sim) - 4.7 hours, story mode, ending achieved. 
August
 Don't Feed the Monkeys (2018, PC, Multi-Cam Voyeurism Simulator) - 5 hours Yuppie Psycho (2019, PC, Horror Business Adventure) - 15 Hours, multiple endings achieved (Shorter than 15 hours) Sam & Max Hit the Road (1993, PC, Point-And-Click Graphic Adventure) - 6 hours, 40 minutes Advent Rising (2005, PC, 3rd Person Shooter with Psychic Powers) - 8.5 hours 
September
 Renowned Explorers: International Society (2015, PC, Strategy Adventure) - 6 hours Shin Megami Tensei IV (2013, 3DS, RPG) - 82 hours (Chaos + Other ending) The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (2006, Wii, Action-Adventure) 40 hours (16.2 hearts, oldest in my backlog) 
submitted by Wizamp to 12in12 [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 10:58 sounluckylucky My gf tested positive and i have few questions

I don't know if this detail matter but both me and my gf are 21 year old and both are girls my gf didn't wanted to get tested but her mom had it and died at the age of 40 something happened and gf had to go to hospital and the doctor made her get tested and she is positive
Before dating my girl now i dated and was in love with someone else she got killed at the age of 23 and we dated for 2 years
So the thought of my now SO dying soon scares me is she going to die young ? Or there is any way to extend her life and not having her be in pain ? If her mom died at 40 does this mean my gf will die at the same age ?
Gf refuse to eat a meal most times and that make me sad and she hardly get any sleep is this going to impact her ?
Id love to talk more about her illness to understand how to help more and what could i do but she dont like talking about so I'd appreciate any advice from here
Ps:sorry formatting bad iam not english speaker bear with me
submitted by sounluckylucky to Huntingtons [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 09:17 ryanman1999 [L] M21 I'm Hurt And I Feel Stuck

For the past couple years I haven't been ok. It's all a rollercoaster. I can never stay happy and I'm at the point where my depression is consuming me. I'm self destructing so fast I don't know if I'll be able to stop myself from doing something that will end up biting me back.
It all started when I had my heart broken when I was cheated on when I was 18. Maybe love isn't for me because love is like a drug to me. I crave it every aching minute but all I get is bad love. It was a LDR relationship and she was my first true love. We were dating for only 6 months until she did but fuck, all my depression just revolves around getting cheated on and mentally damaged from having my hopes and dreams of being with her crushed.
I am completely over her though. I cut all contact with her. My next relationship ended because I couldn't find it in my heart to love her. It was a couple months after the previous relationship and it did help but it didn't feel right that things never felt the same and she couldn't fulfill what I wanted.
All through 2019 and 2020 I spent single and I just felt numb. I have great friends in my life but we didn't really hang out that much because everyone was busy. I have a friend that I go to when sad but I feel like a burden because he struggles with depression and he's got real problems since my problems feel so petty compared to his so it pains me to want to go to him. I never recall feeling this low that I feel rn. I was just numb everyday. I would do some reckless stuff, like I would speed down roads to feel a little bit of adrenaline until I got a speeding ticket early 2020. 68 in a 40. It's come back to bite me because my insurance sky rocketed, but there's nothing I can really do about it now.
Covid and everything quarantining really just stirred my depression. There goes my plans on visiting my friend in NY, traveling around America and going to amusement parks or beaches. I wanted to have a summer to recover. I was actually starting to do much better in 2020 until covid hit. Online school sucked but I somehow scraped by last semester. All until summewhen school ended it was kinda low but I understood that everyone else was suffering.
When I turned 21 in June, things started to look north. My friends and I would hang out a lot more and made it almost a weekly thing to hang out and we almost played games daily online. I also started to talk with this girl I met through omegle, let's call her C. C and I got along pretty well. I was starting to fall in love with her but I was getting sad. I think the sadness stemmed from starting to feel love and I associated love to all the bad feelings I had. We ended up falling deeply in love with each other and I felt on top of the world. She made me feel special and since I'm a hopeless romantic, I fell deeply in love with her so fast. I didn't care. I finally accepted it to love someone and I loved it. We were both quarantining so we had each other to keep each other company.
Once school started for C, she stopped showing me emotion and it was hard to get love out of her. I held it in at first, but she admitted to being sad and overwhelmed about school and family. She acted differently and was distancing herself from me. I would ask her how she is, and she would say fine but hated talking about her feelings. 3 days ago I finally asked her what was up and asked why she's showing less love and she admitted that she doesn't think she's ready for a relationship and wants to stay friends.
I was broken from that. I wanted to help her but I still don't exactly know why she's sad or why she isn't fit for a relationship. I asked her twice or 3 times but she refused to answer. She used to tell me about her feelings and she would tell me personal things but now she's so shallow and distant. I'm hurt because I'm stuck. We're still friends for now and I think I'm going to ignore that she won't tell me why but it's consuming me. I know it's all her but I feel betrayed. I feel so sad. I know it's normal but this sadness is a lot more severe because my happiness was so fragile and she really was the only thing that was making me happy.
I don't know what to do from here. I used a dating app and I matched with someone and I've been talking to them now for a couple days and the girl is great but I don't feel like I'm clicking with her as well as I did with the other relationships. Maybe I'll be wrong because we've only been talking for the past couple days.
I'm afraid that it's too soon to start a new relationship too. I don't want to hurt C. I still love her and she did say she loves and cares about me still... I don't know if this will be temporary and she'll want to get back together or what the future holds. I know I can't handle just being her friend because it pains me to just hold a numb and shallow friendship with someone. I can't even tell her how sad I am right now because I feel like I annoy her when I do. I want her to think I'm doing ok.
But I'm not doing ok. I drank last night but I ended up crying for 3 hours straight. I was crying at midnight so there was really nobody to talk to. I self destructed and I posted risky tweets and it ended up causing some of my friends to DM me and ask if I was ok. I let them know what's going on but it was all the same. "Things will get better."
Today I spent the day with my friend, exploring and going to the beach and I did feel good but we had some beers. I don't think I was that drunk because I was able to drive just fine but while driving home, I decided to drive as fast as I could. I made it up to 130 mph on the highway and I was still pushing it. I was passing people on single lane roads and I actually almost wiped out on a turn. It didn't phase me at all. I spent the rest of my drive driving wrecklessly and I made it home in one piece. I went straight to my room, locked my door and bawled my eyes out. I told my friend about it but I don't want to make him anymore sad. He's the one with depression.
I'm afraid I'm going to kill myself unintentionally. There are too many people in my life that care and love me so I don't want to die but I'm such an asshole and they don't deserve me. I'm so selfish. I don't know how to get better. I don't know what's going to happen with C and I. I don't know if I should pursue this relationship with this new girl.
Thank you for reading... I just needed to get this off my chest because I don't want to be a burden to anyone else.
submitted by ryanman1999 to KindVoice [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 07:41 ThrowRA-081003 A semi-secret almost-Relationship between Me (17M) and my GF[?] (17F) WARNING: Petty High School Drama

K so this is gonna be a doozy. (Names changed obviously don't take my post down D:)
Carla and I go to high school together, and we started talking in January. I had liked her a long time before this, but I had never made a move because she claimed to be in a relationship with another guy, Ataryu. I told a friend (Ian) about how I liked Carla in casual conversation, and he accidentally let the info slip to Carla in one of his classes (this I didn't know about until later). Suddenly, Carla was flirting with me in the hallways and we started talking, I tried not to take things too far bc I still wasn't sure if she was dating Ataryu or not. The plan was to confront Ataryu about the relationship to figure out what was really going on. However, I made the mistake of telling a different friend (Aidan) I liked Carla, and he decided to tell everyone. Once the info was public, Carla had to tell me she knew. During that conversation, she was also super ambiguous about whether she liked me or not, or wanted to be in a relationship. She promptly followed by starting to text me daily and it became a habit. She was a lifeline when the pandemic hit, and we soon became great friends at the very least.
During the worst of the pandemic, we would text every day without fail. She still claimed to be dating Ataryu, but when we talked about what happened at school she admitted she was interested, at least partially, at least at some point or at this point...it was confusing. After that throughout the summer, we kept talking, and I would very casually flirt with her, to balance between letting her know I was still into her and not interfering with her current relationship, while she gave mixed signals the whole way through. I learned that she was really inexperienced with dating (as am I), was afraid of losing our friendship and of what her parents would think, the whole time still claiming to be talking to other boys.
Then (virtual) school starts back up. Around this time, Carla posts a social media post that talks about how she thinks she likes multiple boys, but 'especially this one who I talk to every day', saying that if only this person would do the usual 'boyfriend-y' things, it might make her feel more confident about the relationship. Of course, up until this point, I thought she was still involved with Ataryu (which was never a real thing in the first place, turns out), so I never made a strong move. After I saw the post, I ramped up the flirtation a bit.
Meanwhile there's a whole nother layer to this. My parents never very strongly approved of dating. My plan from the start here was to wait until I was about to ask Carla out on our first official date to tell my parents so that I wouldn't give the appearance of being not ready or hesitant about dating, which would've probably destroyed any future prospects I had with anyone else until I was 40. Of course, I was only expecting to wait a month or so until Ataryu and Carla broke up, so it didn't feel that bad at the time. But as the months stretched on, my relationship with Carla became a bit of a secret affair. As far as I'm aware, my parents had no knowledge until very recently of us even talking.
Recently, Carla and I started videocalling, and I couldn't love our calls more. We both enjoy them, but now my parents are getting curious as to who I'm calling (I don't call anyone else). I have to tell them soon, and I told Carla about the situation. Then, she started feeling guilty about it thinking I was keeping this secret from my parents. Over the last weekend while I found an opportunity to explain the above novel to my parents, Carla started talking to me less, stopped starting video calls, and responded to all my texts with one word replies. Tomorrow is my last chance to tell my parents before I leave town with my grandparents for the weekend, after which I'm afraid I'll lose my relationship with Carla.
I guess what I'm looking for is 1) How/what do I tell my parents and 2) What should I do about Carla? (Both short-term and long-term) I'm not willing to give up on the relationship, because I know for a fact that I love her, even if it's just from bonding over the pandemic and the many months of boredom. Reddit, give me your wisdom!
submitted by ThrowRA-081003 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 06:56 more_guess Going grey in your 20s and 30s: how to handle it? To dye it or not to? I haven't read a post in where men are able to share their experiences when it comes to going gray, so I decided to create this one.

So first, let me introduce myself and my experience with going grey. I´m currently 29 and I had my first grey hair at the age of 8. However, unlike many other cases of premature graying, none of my parents are fully grey and they´re already in their 70s, and my siblings are in their 40s and they don't have much of grey hair; I´d even say that are less gray than average people in their age frame. In my case, I started going grey when I was a teenager, but "fortunately", it wasn´t something extreme. Nevertheless, when I was 19, I remember being in a class with older people, and one girl asked me "how old are you"? and after I replied "what do you think?", she answer "mmm 30"? while I was fucking 19! It kinda shocked me and I still remember those words after 10 years, however, I didn´t do anything about it and just moved on with my life. As time passed, I was getting more gray but it didn´t bother me; I don´t like reducing people to a number, but for you to understand where I come from, I´d say that I might be a 8/10 or so in my city (If I lived in LA, I guess I´d be 5/10, but I live in South America), that´s why I´ve always been able to date a lot of people and having gray hair was never an issue, cause -and this detail is important- I hadn´t that much of grey. Unlike other people that are fully gray after 10 years of finding their first grey hair, in my case at 25, my greys didn´t even show up in pictures, so if you met me at night, you could have probably not even tell that I had grey hair, but at 27, I quite from a job and I decided to dye my hair blonde for fun. And yeah, then I got enaugh and I wanted to get my natural color back, so I had to dye it brown for months and something surprised me: people started to tell me how young I looked, cause by the way, I have a pretty young face and I've always being in shape, and yeah, I have to accept that I liked being told that I looked young, especially cause I was aware that I was getting older. When you´re 18, it's not a big compliment to be told "you look young", but when you´re close to your 30s, it indeed is. So I decided to keep dying it. Today I´m 29 (almost 30) and since I´ll be moving to Europe in 10 days and I hadn´t dyed it for 7 months (because for the pandemic, I didn´t leave my house almost at all for 7 months), I decided to cut my hair short and never dye it again because I got tired of having to repeat process of coloring it every 1.5 months/2 months, and also got fed up of getting paranoid every 10 minutes to check if my hair was already looking orange (cause when you dyed it brown, it usually gets lighter and ligher), so I did it, but I guess I kinda regret it and I don't really know if I should dye it brown again.
People never noticed that I dyed my hair for almost 3 years, from 27 to 29, (I only hang out every week with my best friend, but other than him, I tend to see my other friends once every 6 months or so), and after trial and error, I was able to find the perfect combination of colors that look almost 100% natural on me, but I lost everything since I decided to have this faded haircut 5 days ago (https://ibb.co/vh2yZ9v), and even though the top of my hair is still fully brown cause I had dyed it 15 days ago, the sides already have some gray hair cause new hair is growing, because of the fade hairtcut. And yeah, I have to accept that I´m kinda shocked to see that I have grey hair, due to the fact that it was magically gone for 3 years, and I don´t really know what to do, cause if I´m already feeling kinda depressed for seing grey hair on the sides, I guess I´d feel terrible If the top of my hair wasn´t dyed and it was also grey; I feel like I would look like an old man I don't fucking want that for me.
And yeah, that's another relevant point: I know I´m gonna look super cool (and fit) in my 40s, while rocking my grey hair, it´s just that I´m not ready for that at 29, do you know what I mean? Also, due to the fact that I'm not monogamous, I don't plan to have a family and kids (at least not before my 40s) and I´ll be travelling a lot and living in many different countries for the next 5 years, I do believe that having grey hair is gonna make me look older and gonna decrease my oportunities when it comes to dating and such. When I have my hair died I can easily pass a 24 year old guy when I´m having a beard, but If I shave it, I could easily look like a 20 year old kid, for real, vs. looking like a 40 year old dude with salt & pepper hair. So yeah, I still don't know what to do, but it´d be such a pitty to decrease my oportunities in the dating scene overseas. And there´s also something I haven´t mentioned about me yet: I´ve have been around the swinger scene for a while, and I´ve met several wives because they have thought that I was a 20 year old kid while they were in their 40s and 50s, so it was a fetish for them to hook up with a "college kid", but having grey hair would make me look almost as their age and it would completely eliminate my "kid" identity, so, again, I don´t know if I wanna decrease my opportunities within the swinger community: I fucking like looking young! Haha, still, everyday I´m more aware that it won´t last forever and I should embrace my years.
Finally, there are 2 opposite ideas that are causing me a lot of conflict, since both of them seem pretty reasonable for me: one of them is that having grey hair is just fucking fine and even woman are currently having this trend going on in which they let their grey hair to grow and so, vs. the other one that states that is perfectly fine for men to dye their hair and that they should do it. I´ve read several woman saying that, just as they go to the salon to dye their hair and treat themselves, men should do the same to always look good, and dying their grey hair is included.
What I do know, and it´s something that I´d like to share with you guys, is the fact that we do have the right to do whatever the fuck we want with our hair and bodies. I think one of the main reasons why dying our hair is such a thing, is because we´re embarrased that people can notice it, and then we´ll feel pretty vulnerable by accepting that we don´t like the way we naturally look, but don´t we all wanna look better? Don't we go to the gym for that? Don't we wear nice clothes and trim our beards for the same purpose? To "modify" the way we naturally look and therefore become more attractive? So why would dying our hair be so lame then? I can even think of men accepting without a problem that they got a rhinoplasty to look better, but never accepting that they dye their hair (or never dying it to avoid having to hide it or to accept it), so yeah, from today onwards my motto is gonna be that I will do whatever the fuck I want with my hair, and yeah, I might completely dye it brown tomorrow and leave it like that for months, and then I might cut it off very short and leave my greys, and after a year I might dye it fully grey, etc. My hair, my rules, but obviously, I´ll keep going to the gym everyday, eating healthy, and growing intellectually and spiritually.
Some Instagram inspiration:
- This 37 year old dude with a lot of gray hair made me realise how good dudes can look if they take care of their grays. And he look even younger than his real age! (IG:@sami_saied)
- This 29 year old dude with the same amount of gray hair that I currently have, made me aware that it´s perfectly fine to show the roots while having long hair without a problem, and then, putting some color in them, and they leaving them grey again. No problem with being honest to the world and no problem with trying to change our hairstyles! (IG:@pedrooparraguezz)
Now, I´d like to read your thoughts about this topic. Have you ever dyed your hair? If so, for how long? Pros and cons for dying grey hair? Let me know!
submitted by more_guess to malehairadvice [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 06:08 lush32 Does she like me and should I make a move?

Ok so I like this classmate of mine in college. I’m skeptical to make a move because we are in a friend group with other classmates. We have a group chat and we all have classes with each other in the same major. Im aftaid that if she rejects me it would create an awkward environment. These guys are becoming my friends overall and would hate for that to happen. So anyway, this girl and I have known each other since we started the program but have gotten closer in the past 2-3 months. I cant tell whether shes just being friendly or if shes interested in me. She has sent me video snaps of her naked after the shower without showing nudity and while she was drunk. She compliments me on stuff like my haircut during class. She laughs at most of the things I say either in person or in class on Zoom. She texts me randomly at times throught the week and even though our convos never last very long or get very deep she still reaches out first which rarely happens for me. We have “flirted” a couple times but it was always light and she didnt respond back once when I said something a little more sensual. We seem to get along and she wants to do stuff like make music with me and recently I saw her in person but it was a group hangout. I feel that its tough getting to see her one on one and she is trying to limit her contacts during covid and also lives in the city 40 mins away. I dont know what to do, I dont know if shes interested in dating me, should I just wait and see what happens? Wait for more hints? We will likely be frequent classmates until we both graduate.
submitted by lush32 to dating_advice [link] [comments]


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Dating In 40s - The Thrill of Dating in Your 40’s—and Beyond

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  4. Teen Dating Dos and Don'ts in the 1940s Flashback ...
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